Four Things Every Dying Person Wants to Say

Pat (second from left) with her sisters and mother.

It is said that the four things a dying person wants to say to loved ones are: please forgive me, I forgive you, thank you, and I love you.

This sentiment can also be felt by those left behind, as I experienced with my mother’s death in December of 2017. I am happy to say she lived her life the way she desired and was still in her home when she passed at 92. In spite of our good relationship, I regretted my impatience with her at times. I wished that I had spoken to her one last time to tell her I was sorry, that I loved her and, yes, to thank her. I hope that during her brief moments of alertness in her last days, she could hear my words to her.

As a personal historian, I have helped individuals compose legacy letters, sometimes called “ethical wills,” which help people share their values, blessings, life’s lessons, hopes for the future, love, and forgiveness with their family and friends. Unlike a legal document, which distributes material wealth, an ethical will is a heartfelt expression of what truly matters most in your life.

As one of my colleagues once said, “We leave money, we leave land, we leave possessions, but why don’t we leave wisdom? Wisdom acquired in a lifetime is as much a part of our family’s legacy as its possessions.”

I have worked with hospice patients and their families in the past, and as I gather their stories, I weave the highlights of their lives into a card with photos, which provide keepsakes for their families. I recall one man wanted to dedicate his card to his granddaughter. In it, he shared poignant memories of their times together, trips they had taken, and their shared love of history. He concluded by saying, “My hope is that you will follow your dreams and do what you want in life.” He ended by thanking her for visiting him on holidays and school vacations: “You will always be mine.”

Have you thought about preserving what is really important? A legacy letter may be one of the most cherished and meaningful gifts—something that can be shared with family while you are still living.

For more reasons to create a personal history, visit reallifelegacies.com. For help clarifying your memory-saving goals, call (716) 753-0987.